Feel kind of depressed these few days... hai... maybe it is due to watching gong withdrawal symptoms. i m abt to finish it already... maybe it is cos i got my exams results. i failed stats... i didn't expect to fail that. though i m happy i didn't fail poa... but i m rather upset i failed stats!

When i was watching gong last episode last nite, i started crying. partly cos it was rather touching, and oso partly cos i suddenly felt overwealm with a feeling of lonliness, emptiness....the leads strive so hard for a happy ending, and well they got it, but in life how often does these happy ending occur? No matter how hard i try, i can't seem to get e happy ending that i want.... so wat if i fail an exam so wat if i pass... no matter wat my life will not become easier jus cos i pass or fail. jus cos u get e top degree does not mean u will do well at work, cos work oso depend a lot on luck. luck to wat kind of people u meet, nice manager, nice colleague. no1 can control this, this is fate. u can control wat u do, u can put on a front, but u can't control wat these ppl think of u, how much they will like u... so wat if i get a gd degree, wat if i do not... how i adapt later is more impt isn't it? so wat m i working for?

no matter how much i wish i m dead i m still alive... i m living my life day by day without any emotion, jus used to this rountine life. feel so empty! i don't know wat i m living for.. no matter how big e problem is i have to deal with it with a smile on my face, when inside i m crying like crazy. when i m telling everyone it is ok, but it is not ok. i always tot i m living cos i m waiting for sth happy/good to happen but after watching fairytale like drama. i know how realistic life is... i will not get that fairytale. Y do people live for so long? to procreate? I look at my mom who live her life their nw, is her life happy? i doubt so! but did she manage to live for so long? i really wonder. no matter how unhappy u r life goes on... e world will not stop spinning jus because u lose someone u really love, jus because u r sad.....

At e moment i hate life! cos i have to carry on working harder, i have to jia you no matter wat e results i get, no matter how meaningless e results r... i have to work harder for it..