A boring person afraid of getting bored

Recently feel a bit depressed. maybe it is pms.. maybe it is me being confused about my life. Maybe it is me being afraid of what my life is turning into.

Asked myself this 2 question and I will automatically be depressed. What kind of person are you? What kind of life do you want to live? I feel so undecided about what i want! Did a personality test recently. Apparently I am a dove, peacock. A dove represents stability, peace. A peacock on the other hand represent materialism, wanting to live extraordinarily. Two very contradicting features in a person. hahhaha.. this sounds like i m half man half monster. anyway that is not the point. I really don't know what i want and i m honestly getting sick of not knowing. If i have a stable life will i be happy with it? if i have an interesting life would it be too interesting for me to take? gosh...

Recently very depressed also because i m very bored of my life. As in, it is fun meeting my dear old good frens, but i want to meet new people too... All of a sudden i really feel like i m a very boring person. Everyone's life sounds more exciting than mine. I m sick of this state i m in, but then i don't want to do anything to change it. My sis asked me if i were envious of her life, cos it is relatively more exciting than mine, honestly kind of, but not really also.. I like listening about her life, but i don't think i can live it.. Of course i m envious of my sister, she is smart, pretty, have lots of confidence.. she is the kind everyone wants to know and i m the one fading in the background. but well she is smart because she works hard, pretty sometimes i don't really think so.. as in it is her confidence that makes her beautiful.. her ability to flirt subconsciously. hahahha.. I think if you think u r beautiful u would be.. I guess the only thing i m envious of is her confidence ba.. Don't really know how come she can be so thick skinned sometimes.. And i love her decision making skills.. she is so decisive unlike me...

hmm... I am contented with my life in general. now i m at a confuse phrase i guess... i wish somebody could tell me wat to do! Honestly i wonder if i would be happier being a puppet. doing wat everyone expects of me..

Gosh i guess it is retribution. someone once told me perfect is boring. i told him i rather be bored. guess that wat is happening to me now. stuck in a boring life! urgh! hmmm.. actually my boring life oso attributes to the ppl i have been meeting recently. it is like i realised i have a lot of boring frens. frens who sometimes i don't even want to talk to cos i would get completely bored by wat they say. hee.. but i think the only reason y i think they r boring is cos recently i kind of meet ppl with "interesting" life. as in life different fr mine.. gosh... urgh.. if i m goin to work in accts i will meet more boring ppl! ahhhh... feel like fainting. gosh.. hope i snap out of this soon!