Didn't feel happy today. not exactly unhappy, but well jus not happy.

Today the manager pulled me away for a talk with her.. hai.. was super scared lor.. well she talk to me abt me quitting. she was quite unhappy that i was resigning now.. then e first thing she said was, u r leaving us at such an important time, if u can't give me a good explanation don't think of coming back at all. hee.. i was kind of thinking hai ya can't come back then don't come back la.. not that i can't find better jobs or anything. and even if i can't find better jobs i won't beg to come back. then i told her i really can't afford to give any promise about work now.. seriously i don't have the time to study at all. then the manager said, u can't even come back on the wkends.. in my heart i was thinking are ur that desperate.. i asked her when the event will be held. wat a coincidence it is held on my exam wk. then of course i told her cannot. then i told her i can't afford to fail at all. if i fail it will be thousands of dollars, and seriously the money i earn from working there won't even be enough to cover it. then e manager was like ok u better go and study hard... one of my colleague in poly, failed one module. so i asked her how much she need to pay. then she didn't know.. i was thinking y can't she resign to study.. hai yo.. i better not be like them. i can't afford to be like them.

when i got home feeling v tired, my mom had to tell me stories abt her fren daughters. seriously i don't like to entertain the stories. she was like oh auntie reina daughter found admin job at exxon mobile for 2 months, they are so lucky. then she went the other time ur long holi u want to find oso can't find. then auntie reina daughter always want to find job will manage to find. i was like so.. wat's ur point.. i don't have luck in finding job is it.. ya lor i have bad luck no choice. haha.. then sometimes she will tell me, my fren daughter v pretty join watever miss world or sth, then in my heart i m thinking, i didn't choose to be born ugly. hello it is ur genes, do i have a choice u don't have to be envious of others u created me, if i m ugly it is seriously not my fault at all i seriously can't control anything. then once she told me abt her fren daughter have boyfriend immediately told her mom even when they r at their first stage. i was like so wat!!!! hai.. i feel v irritated le.. my mom told this to my sis too. and my sis didn't entertain her at all. haha.. then she came and ask me y my sis so jealous of other ppl, can't tell her anything. then i kinda got pissed off. i was like wat's the point of telling us stories abt ur fren's daughter, seriously i don't know them and i don't intent to know them. i most probably seen them once in my life and that's all. i would most probably not recognise them when i walk down a street. so wat's the point of knowing?? and by saying how lucky ur frens daughter r, u seriously make us feel envious, and seriously make me feel angry. cos my mother is envious of someone else's daughter when she should be proud of me, her daughter. i feel v angry for that. seriously to feel envious abt someone and to know ur mom feel envious abt someone's daughter is completely a diff feeling. the latter is worse. gosh i wish she would shut up abt it all. i m getting irritated and pissed off. and i m sorry that i m ugly, can't find a boyfriend and can't find a gd job, cos i don't have the luck. seriously i can only blame fate, so shut up!