some jokes to share got this fr an email

1st thief: Oh! The police are here. Quick! Jump out of the window2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor.1st thief: Hurry! This is no time for superstitions.

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Girl: Do you love me?Boy: Yes DearGirl: Would you die for me?Boy: No, mine is undying love--------------------------------------------------
Man: How old is your father?Boy: As old as meMan: How can that be?Boy: He became a father only when I was born--------------------------------------------------

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.------------------------------------------

Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same asyour brother's. Did u copy his?Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!--------------------------------------------------

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!Son: That's why I say she's no good!--------------------------------------------------

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact, I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!--------------------------------------------------

Teacher: "How do u think Shakespeare wrote such masterpieces?"College student: "With a pencil, madam, either a 2B or not 2B."---------------------------------------------------

"Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters whowill be coming to school.""That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when utold her u are the only child?""She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"--------------------------------------------------

Teacher: "Where were u born?"Student: " Singapore, Sir."Teacher: "Which part?"Student: "All of me, Sir."----------------------------------------------------

Teacher: "Chong, u missed school last Friday."Chong: "You're wrong, Sir."Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?"Chong: "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it!"----------------------------------------------------

A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful'and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up."Ok, answer, Joan," said the teacher."æ...unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal isa sick eagle."---------------------------------------------------

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.-----------------------------------------------------

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train.Patient: What happened?Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?Patient: Well... The bad news first...Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.-----------------------------------------------------

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?Dentist: $90.00.Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work???Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.-----------------------------------------------------

Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."Teacher: "Use your dad's then."Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."----------------------------------------------------

A boy came home from school with his exam results."What did u get?" asked his father."My marks are under water," said the boy."What do you mean 'under water'?""They are all below 'C' level"


Hope ur enjoy it. when i have time will post an entry abt wat i have been doin recently haha...