Caring too much...

hmm... rather unhappy lately, might be due to work or pms.. i would have to say to some extent better than laura ash. well there r pros and cons... very hard to explain...

I realised there r 2 kinds of ppl. ppl who care too much, and ppl with bo chap attitude. it is seriously hard to gauge who will succeed in the end. cos luck and fate comes into play at times. all i can say is i fall into the first category. i m, most likely, a person who takes this world too seriously. at times i really hate it. like this job for eg... i really don't think i m of any help. and i really feel so upset! I really hate asking ppl for things to do. then when their instructions r not clear i can't ask them again, bcos they r really irritated, they r too busy to slowly give me instructions, but if they don't give me instructions there is nth i can do.

it is like i yue bang yue mang. like they ask me to do sth didn't give me proper instruction in e end i do wrong they have to do it again. then it is like if they use the time they spent giving me instruction to do the work itself it will be a whole lot faster... gosh i really feel so redundant there and i m really feeling very guilty but i can't do anything to help. i feel so helpless!!! I m super upset. i feel so useless!

I think work is so different to studies. studies u r held accountable to yourself. so even if u choose to do badly that's ur own business. btw that is a stupid choice, cos u r only wasting ur time, money and effort, but then that is ur choice. but work is diff, u r accountable to the company. u know how kua zhang is e acc dept? it is like u have to shred the paper if u photocopy wrongly, in case ppl steal info or sth. the responsibility of working is quite huge.

sometimes i really wish i m those bo chap ppl. can take mc as and when they want. slack during work hours. those ppl r really li hai. can do all these without feeling guilty. like my ex manager said u r paid to do work. so even if u r going to go off soon, u should work hard. though that is of course from the point of view of a manager, but well... i guess it applies to me too.

actually i m rather upset with this colleague. she ask me to do work, she jus impatiently give her instruction. i will take precaution not to do wrong things. so i would usually repeat to the person on wat she said. then everytime i repeat her instruction she will be like ya ya ya. then in e end i surely do wrong de lor! then the thing is u scold me ok la... then must be so sarcastic. i know she is busy. but don't she knows by not giving me proper instruction she is jus doubling her work. i jus wonder y some ppl have such a problem explaining sth so easy...

the weird thing is when other ppl explain to me i can understand and do it correctly. but when it comes to the work this lady gives me i jus can't do it properly. so is it really my problem or her problem. i really wonder. even the person with higher position than her ask me to do things i oso understand le.

This thought came to me. It does not solely applies to that lady. A person who have problem delegating is not a good manager and leader. i mean if u keep all the work to urself and is unwilling to teach ppl abt ur work. then u will have to run a one man show which will be taxing to u. Furthermore, a manager is definately not a person who is running a one man show. even a sole proprietor delegates. In conclusion, this person will nv acheive anything great. the funny thing with this ppl is, they r unwilling to let ppl help but complains when they get too much work. ironic isn't it? this applies to my assis manager too. i guess the theory doesn't really applies to her. cos the only reason she complains is to show off she got a lot of work to do. when u start working u really meet with all kinds of weird ppl. I don't like working! i observe too much, m too sensitive!


Gosh that day my tuition kid scared me. she started crying.. ai yo.. i didn't scold her ah! i swear i didn't. she cried cos she got the comprehension completely wrong. it was like she was sitting beside me then she turned her chair away fr me. i knew sth was wrong. then her fren say wen hui looks like she is goin to cry. then wen hui burst out crying. ai yo.. i was really panicking. i nv taught ppl until they cry b4.. i really wanted to cry when she cried.. i know i m so useless. hahaha.. luckily she stopped after a while. so afraid that her mom would fire me. that day she and her fren said that i m v lenient to them... ai yo.. that's y they getting naughtier.

gosh gosh... i really feel so useless. i m not cut out for an office job. neither m i a good teacher.. ahh.. wat can i be in the future?! seriously i jus wonder how ppl survive on office job. an office job is super boring! service line is super tiring. i want to be a tai tai.. hahahhaha... gosh... i really jus think my existence is jus wasting of oxygen food and water. Furthermore i eat a lot and still bag and bones. i m super waste of food! ok la.. at least i m compact so won't waste much space... hahahahaha...

anyway this guy in my office v irritating. keep saying hi amanda. then i will jus ignore him cos i know he is teasing me. then cos i didn't ans him he keep trying it over and over again. hahahah.. until today his manager told him not to disturb me.. don't think she don't know... oh ya the general manager is young, pretty and married... gosh.. y do some ppl have it all?! really leh.. it seems like all a manager does is sign documents and go out chit chat with ppl. ai yo..

ok ok i m rambling too much. i jus need to fa xie.. anyway this is my journal. i want to laugh at myself one day when i read this. hahahhahaha...