December Blues

I really hate december. Ok i just realised it is not december yet. hahaha.. That's not the point. The point is every year, during this period i would start having serious depression. This has been happening since J1, well except that during J1 i was having depression almost everyday and would cry almost everyday.

Maybe it is the weather. Maybe it is just that i feel like i have not acheived anything within the year. Feel so insecure, feel so easily upset, like i m pmsing the whole mth.

I really hate working. I don't hate the job itself, but i really hate interacting with people. It is like constantly having to entertain ppl, i don't want to. Also, constantly having to be on my toes to make sure that i don't say the wrong things and hurt people's feeling. It is like constantly having to 看人地脸色. And it is seriously very suffocating. Just now i said sth totally kiddingly and well it hurt someone's feeling, though after that she said it is ok, but i don't know i feel very upset, like honestly i don't know what she is upset abt. Realised ppl at work can be really xiao qi.

Actually i realised i m not a person who gets angry easily, as in, if i know this person is jus teasing me, i will forget it, but some ppl like to tease others, but will not be allowed to be teased back. That is something i totally don't understand. If you want to play with other then y can't they play back? Though honestly i don't like being teased, but my reaction is quite mild towards it.

Feel a bit upset at myself for saying the wrong thing. Jus now really wanted to jus hide in the toilet and cry. Realised the whole of december that's wat i would feel like doing. Hide somewhere just be with myself and cry. Ok maybe I jus need a lot of time with myself during dec. I really jus feel like not interacting with any human beings. I wish i could quit and jus stay at home all day now. I really don't feel like being here. I don't think i have good night sleep lately, i keep having nightmares or will jus suddenly wake up in the middle of the night but not bcos anyone or anything interupted my sleep. Urgh!!!! Maybe cos i m an aquarius so i need my alone time a lot, especially now. I hate dec!!! Ok I hate nov too!!!

Had a bad day

I am so unhappy now. I think it is e PMS plus some unhappy stuff at work. maybe i am thinking too much.

Shall start with wat happened at work. Not convienient to share too much details, in short, someone asked me to go enquire about certain things from IRAS to handle certain things, then after that jealous that i know more snatch everything back. Like wat the fuck. no one want to fight with you la. Then IRAS gave her a simpler method to do things, which was e method i suggested, but she insist on using the longer method, cos she jus want to win. Fine let's jus use ur stupid method, but any problem with it go deal with it yourself don't push the blame to me. So eager to snatch for gong lao. I am smarter than you no matter what you do you can't change that fact. N'level cert only(no offence to n'level people, i know a lot of n'level people who work hard and try their best to learn, and are very capable, this is jus her i m against), jus with my o'level cert i already beaten you hands down, so don't come and act smart in front of me. Act smart then do stupid things, really bua tahan.

After that she ask me to do a stupid thing i refused. Then after that she used the reason i rejected on me. It was like didn't i jus say this a second ago, you must repeat wat i say to prove that you made the decision not me. Totally watever!

I want to get a new job, i would leave immediately after i get my bonus. can't stand working with idiots.