Woohoo.. Last day of e year.. My cousin's wedding.. Hee.. Really love e food, but was too full. My niece and nephews really cute.. Hee.. imagine ppl calling u gugu and ahyi. haha.. My 2 year old nephew can talk le.. He seems really smart and v intelligent. Really like him. He looks like an ailen though. Haha.. Maybe it's e family genes. hee.. Nth much to post though..

Hmm.. there r some things i want to say. But suddenly i realise e blog is not as private as i tot. hee.. I know some of ur r most probably thinking it is a blog how private could it get. But at least is i didn't know it, i can lie to myself that no1 read it.. Now i can't haha.. so well i guess i have to keep some things to myself. Really feel like venting it out. haha.. Hai heck it la.. I will jus write it out. afterall there is nth i have to hide..

Starting to feel kind of bitter.. Hee.. Hai.. v worried that i will become a bitter person cos of things happening in my life. I hate pretending that we r a happy family. Hate that feeling. I suddenly have a bad tot. I wish they divorce so that i can stop pretending. I hate to smile fakely when we take e family picture. Hate to pretend nth is wrong. Then tension in this family is unbearable, that i don't feel like staying here anymore. But u know wat.. there is nth i can do abt it. Wat if i become a v bitter and unhappy in e future?? Really don't want that to happen. I want to be e forwardlooking person, take things as they come and not be afraid of anything. Hai.. I won't let myself change no matter wat..

Today met elin and xw.. so fun.. hee.. Really love being around them.. Xw took 502 which doesn't go by holland v.. actually we kind of hai her.. cos we told her got pass by in e end she ended up at some ulu place. haha.. went crystal jade kitchen food really not bad.. we ate quite a lot but didn't have to pay v much. Actually maybe only i ate a lot ba.. haha.. after that went essential brews for tea.. thanks xw senior for e vouchers..

after that went to take bus to go town.. on e way to bus stop fell down.. kneeled at holland v.. haha... but so pai sai.. ok la.. at least i didn't fall face flat on e ground. from that fall my luck turned to e worse haha.. explain later..

Went to zara with elin.. V happy with my buys.. went a few place shopping with elin. haha.. quite fun.. after that we went back to sakae and eat.. Hai.. e moment i get in v unhappy. christine that super witch gave me blace face, then keep giving me attitude. wa lao.. i super pissed off. hello goin back there is to give u business ok.. don't come give me attitude.. Felt damn angry.. really feel like quitting job there.. might quit soon. don't want to keep seeing ppl's black face.

Later i went home. Walked to e balcony cos it was raining and e window was not closed, so i fell down, scraped my knees. hai.. quite pain. It doesn't rain but pours.. huo bu dan xing ah.. Later that nite my dad opened my private letter.. got me quite pissed off... Hai.. don't feel like saying too much.. i jus want to pretend nth happened.. don't want to blow things up..

Today went to work at la.. this few days work at there so sian.. not stock take means mark down price, mark until i want to cry!!! haha.. Went to work at 11, start work at 12. i woke up too late, so didn't eat.. Hee.. my xiao di there so kind when goin to break ask if i want food, but no pt ma after he break finish my turn to go break. he always go break with all e managers, pity him, jus wonder how he manage to swallow his food. haha.. poor thing. Don't know y manager always call him to call me amanda jie. E manager likes to put a jie around everyone's name when she talks to him. haha... he oso nt v young la.. jus one year younger. V tai.. Cos he wear those gold chain then walk shake shake one, but he like v funny. V kind la.. when he wanted to go hm i stop him and asked him to help me, then he say he slap me ah.. kiddingly la. Then he jus touch my face pretending to slap me. wa.. really feel like gone back to jc days, so childish! hee.. xiao di jiu shi xiao di..

After work went hm.. waited so long for e stupid bus.. haha.. hai.. felt so pissed off, then at hm argue with my sis over tv.. I think my sis is a really selfish person like my dad.. When my mom asked her abt divorcing my dad, my sis say she don't care as long as we don't move out of our hse, that is not v possible lor. I love this hse as much as her, but no choice ba.. then she told mom no matter wat i m not moving out. so childish. Stay with e new tenants la.. So selfish.. Hai... Feel so empty recently. always work.. don't even have time to study, then have to put up with stupid things.. Life is so meaningless lor. wat r we living for. Though in e end all problems will most likely be resolved, but so wat... hmm.. i don't want to fall in love i jus want to be single forever.. love is nth gd lor.. In e end we will all jus end up hurting ourselves. Anyway no man around me wants me.. so watever la.. I jus need frens.. hai... sian!!!!

Today after work at la. went to have dinner with mom and buy contacts. Well i m goin to talk abt my family problems again. hee.. i know some ppl say nv wash ur dirty linen in public. I personally don't agree to this at all, cos i don't feel that i sld hide anything from my close fren, and since this is my diary, i will say watever i want.

Well mom asked me if i would be fine if she divorce him. I told him calmly i would be fine. haha.. mom was shocked, she asked if i m really that hard hearted, i told her if that is e way to make him learn i will jus agree with her, i don't want to let him ruin my mom's, my sis and my life. To some extent i m being v selfish i know, cos i don't want him to ruin my life, but seriously i don't know how to help him. E only way i could think of is to cut of his hands, which is not possible rite.. I believe there r 2 kinds of ppl in this world, e first kind is when warned abt it's danger they would not go near to danger, e other kind is those who will only learn when they fall really badly, my dad is e 2nd kind... my dad need to suffer terribly, b4 he knows he is wrong.

hmm.. u know in shows hee.. e family always help e gambler to pay his debt no matter wat, but in real life, when u feel someone u love hurt e family this way, u jus want to stop him from hurting e family. And seriously it is really naive to think that he will learn, after u helped him pay off some of his debt, because old habits die hard.

Hmm.. i don't feel sad at all. Jus feel that i will try my best to deal with watever comes. Seriously i m not afraid, i jus want this over and done with

today went to work again. afternoon at sakae nite at la. christmas was relatively ok.. v few ppl. haha.. well e whole not with ppl i like. sian.. end up not talking much. then sl like in bad mood ask her things she don't really ans.. Don't know y.. hope she get's better though.. maybe will ask her tmr.. hee.. kind of tot she is angry of wat i say yest.

yest i was v pissed off, cos when i get to sakae open locker my shoe was not there, then i can't find my shoe at all. i saw a pair of shoes on e floor, then it was not even in a bag, but i guessed it is mine cos e brand and size is rite, anyway i wore it. If anyone lose their shoes not my business.. hee.. anyway msg sl and told hm... then hm gave me a good explanation our locker too crowded things always drop out. hee.. Anyway i kind of told them off, so maybe sl angry ba.. but i was really angry at that pt of time.. then oso always jian a lot of pian yi, but nv tell me.. ai ya don't know la..

Anyway went to eat with hj. talked a lot.. hee..

Merry christmas!!! Today work whole day at sakae.. Wa damn tired, it was so busy. Today huji with me. so get to know lot's of gossip. suddenly i don't really like liying. she really not that simple.. grace cried cos kitchen stuff scold her for taking wrong order. But seriously after i hear e whole story she told me i don't think kitchen staff really scolded her. must be stupid kenneth la.. always bully grace, don't know y he don't like her.. Maybe cos she rather da xiao jie. After that stupid vincent, cos grace took fish head wrong order, then vin say kitchen ppl keep complaining so he bought e fish head back. Think he have a motive for doin that. he seems to be interested in her. hee.. then he keep blaming e kitchen ppl. but e thing is kitchen ppl didn't do anything. wth. E xiao qiang at e kitchen is v nice, when i go in he still say don't worry i won't scold ppl one, hee.. only ah wu is bad, he can scold ppl till they cry. vin is such a bastard, always blame ppl for things they didn't do. ya la.. he is e most innocent one, everyone in this world is wrong except him. Really don't like him, then gave him attitude, then he told huji he thinks i m weird today. ya ma.. i was being mean to him. hhaha..

Didn't have to do closing, but cos huji didn't want to do closing, so i replaced her.. Anyway after closing we had kind of a christmas celebration. 3 mixed hot pot, 1 miso salad, white wine, sushi from e belt. it was actually not a celebration cos seriously we jus sat there and ate in silence. haha.. of course gossip abt ppl la.. vin bought a log cake, then don't know la.. always feels that he do things he think will tao hao ppl, but seriously enjoy eating his cake and to zhan his pian yi. Such a bootlicker. disgusting..

After that i forced hj to accompany me hm. haha.. wa.. nv go to orchard road on christmas eve. Havoc ah.. ppl bought spray and were spraying at each other like siao. me and hj risking our lives to get to e bus stop. haha.. but super fun and exciting. managed to get to e bus stop relatively safely. i reached hm at 1, but slept at 2.. wa..

hee.. jus now went to work. woke up quite early. but in e end only left hse at 9+. Got taxi come to my house take me to e warehouse with e assistant manager and e new guy guo chao. E warehouse is at tuas there.. Stock take was quite fun. use scanner and scan e barcode and key in e barcode. u know we use those pe napha things. Really like my assistant manager a lot.. she super nice..

chao lun is quite a nice guy... He reminds me a bit like lam weijie, but his character completely not like lam. When he saw my piano books he asked me abt piano, then told me he took up guitar.. Hee.. Well at least there got 1 more nice ppl. then got free food and free taxi. haha.. so gd hor.. e stuff benefits r great.. but i think i will take a long rest soon. cos exams r soon.. Wa.. i next wk super busy. actually from today, cos today work tmr work, sun work, mon tue wed fri sat sun working.. ai yo.. Oh ya la manager gave me christmas present.. so good rite?? hee.. really like working there. oso not v tiring working there, as compared to sakae..

Today went out with sl. wanted to had a hair cut, but didn't in e end. We went to buy prez for exchange prez with sakae mates. Then went shopping like crazy. By e time we reach sakae for buffet with huji and gang, really da bao xiao bao. haha..

At sakae, huji, xueli and rui ping were with us first. xueli is huji's cousin. Xueli brought her bro along, her bro looks a lot like her. haha.. at first didn't like it, cos really didn't know her bro at all. then v gan ga, actually in e end we jus treat her bro like transparent and kept talking, haha.. quite evil. anyway we exchanged prez, i got a softtoy from huji, it is tigger, like my keychain, hee.. so cute.. only sl and my gift were practical. haha.. Ate a lot.. Jia fang came too late, we were already rather full when she came. haha..

Hmm.. christ was rather evil, she kind of scold us when we came back to eat. She was like ur got time come back to eat but got no time to work for me. But it is like recently she oso nv call us to ask us to work. She is trying to push e blame on us lor.. Put us so little cos got so many new ppl, then now say we nv work. wa lao.. Can't stand her. Ah wu fried us calamari rings, haha.. but he go fried e idako, wa lao.. damn disgusting. Then after that he was so proud of himself, keep saying who will think of that only me.. Ai yo...

Rick was like how come so long nv work. then i say i lazy to work. haha.. then i was like i m lazy to do everything... Then he was like can't let other guys hear this, hear already no1 will want me cos so lazy... Ai yo.. haha.. i m a lazy person la.. so wat...

After that me and sl went shopping again, we went far east, we didn't want to go shopping with hj cousin the guy.. so we were like shake them off. Hmm.. suprisingly didn't get anything from far east, except 2 pairs of earrings. haha.. at far east, saw 2ppl that i sldn't c.. haha.. my reaction quite fast at level 1 saw a familiar guy, then i pointed at him, he actually already saw me then pointed back at me. haha.. Caught gabriel with jing hua! Woohoo.. so happy when i caught them, it was like i didn't give them a chance to reply watever i say, jus keep bombarding them and teased them like crazy. haha.. then when ask them who ask who out both like u know shy shy. haha.. i think they must be thinking of all ppl y must i know, cos i biggest kapo will spread. But don't worry la i won't spread yet, cos they romance still budding can't nip it in e bud yet, till they blossom then tease them like crazy. haha.. But i feel so tempted to tell!!! It really made my day to catch them red handed, jus feel so happy for them. My comic guy with my da mei nui.. So happy. After that i heard hj say that jerome oso like jing hua, oh no love triangle. But i like comic guy better than chen zhi cai (jerome looks like chen zhi cai Hee..) So i think i shall support comic guy this time.

After that went to heeren again cos in e morning when we went there e shop with e skirts we like was open but no1 was tending to e shop. Hee.. bought a skirt... Spent a lot today! but feel so happy. On e way hm, saw junyi and peter, i was thinking oh no not again, caught another couple offguard, then e first thing junyi say was we r not tgth. Haha... Then it was like she asked us wat we r doin, then i say shopping. haha.. then she was like she meant as in schooling or wat.. Haha.. then it was so weird, cos it was near e traffic light, then i was like u want to talk abt my future at this crossroad ah.. so weird. haha.. anyway after that i saw e traffic light turned green man, so i was like i want to cross e road talk another time. hee..

Today is really a happy day.. Really like being around friends... Friends r good. Oh no i spent a lot of money.. Hai.. ok la.. consider chinese new year buying and oso christmas present to myself so ok la... Haha.. Oh ya e guy i kind of admire is a gay. shock shock. haha.. but ok la.. gays r nice ppl.. Oh ya realise i look v tired. E dark ring around my eyes r huge.. New year resolution is to sleep more. haha.. oh man i look so ugly in pic.. next time take my pic must take back view or take from far far. Really like one pic when me and rui ping was caught offguard when sl ask us turn behind then our back were taken.. really cute pic!

Hee.. was on msn jus now. Talked to colleen. I tot i was talking to esther. so anyway told her lots of things that didn't make sense. haha.. Oh no.. Really ah v blur. hai.. i really don't want to be so blur, but jus can't. it must be e sleep. I have been sleeping too much today. Haha.. Overslept so didn't go to sch. Feel so drained recently.

Went around reading ppl's blog cos was too bored. Anlin blog really made me laugh. haha.. can't believed she dreamt of me. She must hate me, even in her dream i was scaring her.. Haha.. I always give her nightmares. Haha.. i know i know supposed to study.. but really don't have e strength. Maybe tmr..

Today went to work at la. Got 2 surprised visits... Hee.. one was from elin, the other from mei hui. Life at la is full of politics. When mh saw me she say it seems like working here is better than sakae not so busy. Well that is v true and e pay is better well e stuff benefits r also slightly better. But well always hear a lot of scary stories abt e managers.

Today heard one of them saying that she may be getting e sack, cos she can't commit to e time. means she can't clock in 20hrs a wk. Then i was like if u r getting e sack i sld too. Another thing i don't like is that they keep changing e schedule, well for me my schedule has changed then in e end when i saw my schedule i m goin to have to work on christmas eve, but i already commit myself to work at sakae. Hai.. It is like though we had request at e beginning of e mth, but after i receive my monthly schedule i will place my other stuff, so that means that i will be v packed, then they keep changing. Wa lao.. Don't know wat to say la.. Anyway that day i was sick actually have to give mc, but i didn't go c doc so i don't have mc, then it is like v afraid e manager will scold me. Ai ya.. I only worked for 1stmth already so many problem. I m such a problematic newcomer.. Hai...

I may stop working at e end of next mth, cos mocks coming in feb, kind of afraid they will gossip abt me, haha.. But i want to go back to work when e exams r over and if there isn't any vacancies at e office i worked at in e past. hai.. will work hard..

Hmm.. v long nv work at sakae le.. E moment i work get attack by that bitch. Hai.. Cos i work v little this wk. Then today at belt 2 it was really messy. some stupid customer keep standing outside table 34 blocking the way there. Then ernast brought customer in, i wanted to help him, but seriously how to bring e stupid customer to their seats when ppl were like blocking e passage way. Then later she was like amanda v long nv work le forget how to work le ah? manager bring ppl in don't know how to help ah. Wa lao. lazy to argue with e bitch. Starting to detest her a lot. she is e only manager i have a problem with. Then she like picking on ppl at times. Later nvm i wanted to go hm, then she keep asking me if i leaving at 4, then i told her yes, then she say leave oso don't know how to say, wa lao, wat was e conversation i was having with her abt lor.. Me leaving. so i told her i told vin le. Can't be bothered with her. Shit la.. Y must she come back from long leave lor.. life b4 she is back is so peaceful and happy. E moment she comes back working atmosphere becomes so bad. Hope they transfer her out soon.

Went out with elin, xw and yik... Really v fun!!! We went chinatown to get pig intestine porriage.. Really delicious... Though i like e tiong bauru one better... Tiong bauru porriage really e best!!!

We chat a lot.. Had a lot of fun together... It was like old times.. Kid around. I really enjoy their company. Cos they always say funny things, then like they will jus make me feel that u can take life lightheartedly. Hee.. Really glad that i have them as frens. Feel so grateful to god...

Oh kind of gossip... So fun.. hmm.. i can't wait for 27th... Haha.. can't wait to c ur again.. Really enjoyed a lot...

hmm... Last sat after work at LA went to sakae to wait for sl to go hm. Haha.. Then so good they do closing got food, then i oso ate la.. After that ernast v nice, drove us hm.. Wa.. free food and free ride.. haha..

hmm.. had terrible stomach cramp on wed didn't go to work. joann was quite nice abt it.. Some ppl say quite not nice things abt e manager but i think they r ok. I don't really like these ppl, they really v bitchy. Y r they like always politicking lor... Wat the hell. Too free ah?!

Still don't know wat to do abt my job.. Hai.. i know i shouldn't think too much.. Ok will jus take a step at a time..

Dad is at hm more often don't really want to talk to him.. Everytime i talk to him jus feel so angry that he could do sth so bad to hurt e family, hai.. He don't know we knows.. Hai.. don't really know how to deal with him. Hai.. if mom didn't tell us wat has happened, i would nv know he has changed so much, when i talk to him, still can't feel e change.. Ai ya.. Not feeling much lately...

yesterday went to kbox with sl... Had a lot of fun. I really didn't expect wat would have happened yest night.

Last nite i went hm at 12. anyway my mom came in slightly later than me. Then she told us that she got something to tell us. She told us that she and my dad r having some problems. I kind of expected that. Cos he didn't came hm one wk last mth, then i saw my mom crying. I could roughly guess wat was goin to happen, but i jus didn't want to hear it. If my mom say it already i can't pretend that nth's happening. My mom say that wk he was away, he went gambling. He lost a lot of money. He borrowed money from my mom and all my relatives. And this has been happening for 3 yrs... My mom nv told us until now, cos she is afraid that this will affect our studies. My mom told us we have to downgrade to a smaller flat to pay off his debts. She said she wanted to divorce him, but cos my grandparents v old le, dying soon, she don't want to give them huge shock... Hee.. my sis first reaction was y must u tell me now.. Hee.. I think she expected this to come to... Cheryl no matter wat we have to be strong ok?! for the sake of ourselves and this family.

I really don't know wat to do now... I really wish i don't have such a selfish father. Seriously i wish he is dead. I wish my mom say that he is having an affair i rather he is having an affair than bring so much harm to my family. I wish he is not my dad. I wish i didn't love him, then it wouldn't hurt so much now. Y! Y must god always disturb me. Whenever i m feeling slightly happy bad things have to happen. Y?! I don't even dare to laugh louder than other ppl. Y must u torture me like that. Y some ppl can have a happy family, good boyfriend and many friends. Hai.. wat have i done to deserve all this?! I don't have a goodboyfriend, a good family, now all that i have r frens... Please stand by me and support me. Pretend ur care for me even if ur don't really care. Pretend ur love me even if ur don't... I really think we can't escape fate. U know my mom marriage line like mine is crossed. I read once in a book that it means we will suffer divorce. Hai... It is so true lor. We really can't escape fate. So wat if my mom haven't done anything evil, she still have to suffer in silence, she still have to marry this kind of man. Y.. Y must ppl who can take hardships always have more hardships to take than ppl who can't suffer hardship. Y is life so unfair?!

Hee.. My eyes r really swollen now. didn't sleep a wink last night. I don't know wat to do now... Hai.. My fav saying.. zou yi bu shi yi bu... Will jus take things as it comes. Please give me the courage to deal with whatever will come.

A lot of things to blog abt. Sun started working at laura ash. hmm.. E ppl there ok la. got a few chio bu. haha.. feel a bit shuan (lousy) compared to them, then ppl there quite know how to sell stuff one. E assistant manager lynn was quite nice. Seems a bit ah lian, but u know she is more my type of person, those ppl who i have known in sec sch, not so much angmo background one.

Mon worked at sakae. Worked full. At first still got huji and wh for company. After that they go hm sobs... Hee.. I kind of bully e kitchen auntie. Hee.. cos auntie asked me for udon spoon then she say orange spoon. By e way udon spoon is red not orange. Then i was like auntie were got orange spoon. Hee.. Then later i point at e udon spoon keep ask her to say wat colour kiddingly. Haha.. Then auntie was like ai yo ur bully me, tell e manager who bully her kiddingly. Then alan inside e kitchen keep ringing e bell at us. Then i faster run. Auntie so cute. I was like sorry sorry auntie when she say i bully her, then she was like aunti lao le ur bully.. Haha.. One thing i like is e fun there...

Wa a lot of newcomers. came 2 newparttimers like v da xiao jie kind. Actually not really used to so many ppl working. Don't really like that. When doin closing me and elanor did e slowest cos soyu ginger have to wash soyu. Wa lao.. Then e stupid guys nv help. Jus sit there. Wa lao. Really hate doin closing with e guys... Don't really like sakae now cos too many newcomers. but if i quit i would really miss e ppl there.. so haven't decided wat to do yet.

on wed went to laura to work. There really a lot of malay working. i think is oso cos a lot of malay customers 2... Feel kind of outcast, cos when they speak malay i can't understand at all. Haha.. now i understand how e miniority feels. No wonder e other races hate us so much. Hee.. A girl was rather mean to me. She is a full timer. E moment e manager left she started bossing me around. one thing i can't stand is, it is my sales but when she write memo she wrote it is her sales, then still show off to e manager. Wa lao.. was really angry. though we parttimers don't get commision. but u sld at least ask ba.. so wat if u r pregnant and need money! Really dislike her... She is lazy, but wants to steal ppl sales. shit la! The thought of working at both place is ok la.. Jus need e money. Hai.. Ai ya.. i really don't know wat i want... Hope everything goes well...