Didn't feel happy today. not exactly unhappy, but well jus not happy.

Today the manager pulled me away for a talk with her.. hai.. was super scared lor.. well she talk to me abt me quitting. she was quite unhappy that i was resigning now.. then e first thing she said was, u r leaving us at such an important time, if u can't give me a good explanation don't think of coming back at all. hee.. i was kind of thinking hai ya can't come back then don't come back la.. not that i can't find better jobs or anything. and even if i can't find better jobs i won't beg to come back. then i told her i really can't afford to give any promise about work now.. seriously i don't have the time to study at all. then the manager said, u can't even come back on the wkends.. in my heart i was thinking are ur that desperate.. i asked her when the event will be held. wat a coincidence it is held on my exam wk. then of course i told her cannot. then i told her i can't afford to fail at all. if i fail it will be thousands of dollars, and seriously the money i earn from working there won't even be enough to cover it. then e manager was like ok u better go and study hard... one of my colleague in poly, failed one module. so i asked her how much she need to pay. then she didn't know.. i was thinking y can't she resign to study.. hai yo.. i better not be like them. i can't afford to be like them.

when i got home feeling v tired, my mom had to tell me stories abt her fren daughters. seriously i don't like to entertain the stories. she was like oh auntie reina daughter found admin job at exxon mobile for 2 months, they are so lucky. then she went the other time ur long holi u want to find oso can't find. then auntie reina daughter always want to find job will manage to find. i was like so.. wat's ur point.. i don't have luck in finding job is it.. ya lor i have bad luck no choice. haha.. then sometimes she will tell me, my fren daughter v pretty join watever miss world or sth, then in my heart i m thinking, i didn't choose to be born ugly. hello it is ur genes, do i have a choice u don't have to be envious of others u created me, if i m ugly it is seriously not my fault at all i seriously can't control anything. then once she told me abt her fren daughter have boyfriend immediately told her mom even when they r at their first stage. i was like so wat!!!! hai.. i feel v irritated le.. my mom told this to my sis too. and my sis didn't entertain her at all. haha.. then she came and ask me y my sis so jealous of other ppl, can't tell her anything. then i kinda got pissed off. i was like wat's the point of telling us stories abt ur fren's daughter, seriously i don't know them and i don't intent to know them. i most probably seen them once in my life and that's all. i would most probably not recognise them when i walk down a street. so wat's the point of knowing?? and by saying how lucky ur frens daughter r, u seriously make us feel envious, and seriously make me feel angry. cos my mother is envious of someone else's daughter when she should be proud of me, her daughter. i feel v angry for that. seriously to feel envious abt someone and to know ur mom feel envious abt someone's daughter is completely a diff feeling. the latter is worse. gosh i wish she would shut up abt it all. i m getting irritated and pissed off. and i m sorry that i m ugly, can't find a boyfriend and can't find a gd job, cos i don't have the luck. seriously i can only blame fate, so shut up!

Today went to work.. Bought a bag at hush hush.. cos everything was on 70percent. so v cheap. the bag orginally cost 79 but i bought it at only 20 bucks.. real cheap! but recently have been trying to get cheap and nicer bag from somewhere else. they r high quality bags 2.. hopefully can get it la.. hmm.. working at taka is not v gd cos it is like always break go walk walk will definately buy sth.. whether it is food, cosmetics or anything.. hee.. but i kinda like e bag i bought..

oh i bought some sophie kinsella book i mentioned in my previous entry. i realise shopaholic ties e knot i have actually read it b4.. gosh.. i bought a bk that i have actually read b4.. waste my money. hee.. but nvm la.. it is a nice bk. can read it over and over again. and anyway i get brand new books for the cost of books u buy at 2nd hand store. so it is ok la.. still got $30 book voucher gosh really don't know wat to buy. maybe i will buy some dan brown books or sth..

today went to have sakura buffet with huji, xueli, and sl.. v fun.. v full!!! haha.. the food there not bad la.. now i m still too full to describe it.. cos e moment i think of it i will feel like puking.. there is fresh oysters/mussels. herbal chicken soup, satay, sashimi.. and a lot of nice dessert.. it is v cheap only 22.. oh ya e steak v gd! e prawns oso v nice.. hee.. we still steal some jelly home.. v kua zhang.. we took two full plates of jelly it is e jelly who use to have at sakae.. v ex one.. abt one jelly 1dollar. then we pour e whole plate of jelly into my bag and huji's bag.. hahaha.. v cheapskate! then cos too full so bring back and eat..

after that we went to sing k.. e equipment there v lousy. it was like there is a problem with the mic, then e waitress keep coming to bother us abt some things.. but sing until v happy. after that went walk walk, bought a top at zara.. then bought 3 bks from borders. bought e shopaholic series and another book sophie kinsella wrote can u keep a secret. i really love her book since reading it in sec 3. another author that i like is gemma townsend. her books r really funny and interesting.. marian keyes book r a bit long winded. but well there is fewer and fewer author that i like now.. not many good light hearted books lately.. well ok that's all..

v grumpy these days.. i think i pms ba.. hai.. jus don't feel v happy.. jus feel like screaming or shouting or sth to vent all my unhappiness.. it is weird i got nth to be unhappy abt but i jus want to complain la..

yest worked.. then my manager nagged at me say my sales is too low.. hai.. i off 2wks ma wat to do.. but ya la.. i working hard for it.. then that day a clock dropped by itself, then got fire alarm oso. my manager kid say cos i m around so, so many things happened.. then my colleague nickname me thunder. cos i m around sth must break. haha..

today i worked, at first my sales not bad, then after that.. hai.. my colleague so lucky jus stand there got a lot of sales, then sometimes i jus approach e customer a bit slower and then e customer is gone.. hai.. they r ppl who don't need sales le la.. they already not last few. but i can understand la.. they r not obligated to help me and honestly who wants to share sales.. hai.. i jus hope i m not e bottom few and e manager won't nag at me for bad sales.. i really tried my best.. i pray and hope i will be at e top not bottom. hai.. sometimes when it comes to sales it really all come down to luck. now i understand y some sales girl will spot customer, spot e huge buyers. cos seriously some ppl v cheapskate come in here want to get free cataloge when e cataloge is for sales, then want to browse browse, but nv ever buy anything.. then some ppl e stuff v cheap oso keep want more discount. hello if u can't afford it go somewhere else. gosh i used to feel nicer to these ppl. but now i think i m feeling this way cos i can't hit my sales and i m starting to panic. so anyone who don't buy i jus feel v sian.. then waste my time serving them when i can go serve ppl who will buy.pray pray that my sales will be better.. oh ya so happy my cousins came to c me. irene and ah ping sis came by hee.. but was busy at tat time so couldn't serve them. hee.. it is always like tat one when u busy u v busy.. don't know wat game heaven's playing on me.. hee.. hai.. resign to fate

having weird dreams lately. last nite i dreamt that i met jay chou and xiao zhu. but i can't really rmb e content of e dream jus rmb it was kinda weird.

jus now while i was taking a nap, i dreamt that me sl and a few other ppl, my cousins i think were waiting for bus in this dark spooky lane. then when i bus came we saw that it was a double decker bus, we chased after it, but when we went in it was a single decker bus and all e passengers were all v weird. they can sit beside u then suddenly disappear. e worse thing is u can't get off e bus. it was like somehow we managed to get off the bus, but it was a cold muddy place. we jus ran and ran. then anyway we ran to my house (supposingly) it was a 3 storey bungalow haha... then inside v nice. then when i go to e toilet i saw a green water snake and ask my servants to kill it. ai yo.. weird dream la..

Today i had a lot of fun. me and my ex-colleague(still colleague.. cos i haven't officially quit yet. haha..) anyway we went sakae bugis to have student buffet. me, huji, sara, xueli, ruiping and jian guo. hee.. jian guo is e only guy there. well we still have a lot to gossip abt though i already quit . we ate a lot, and we talked quite loudly.. haha.. then when we ordered salmon karage, the stupid waiter said i know ur r working at other outlet, but still can't order that. then we we like wat the.. y must add in ur r from other outlet??

haha.. we quite bad la.. we order a lot.. then me ah memory really bad. the manager actually order for us una handroll. then later i finish eating eat but ate too much so i can't rmb wat i ate, then i was like wa.. jus now order e una hr until now still haven't come. haha.. now that i m writing then i rmb i ate it liao. and also i ordered kakiage then when it came i ask them who was the one who order it, then they were like it was u.. then i was like bu yao pian wo (don't lie to me) then they were like really ah, then when we went back i ask hj i m really e one who order it, she was like ya they didn't cheat u. the table behind us were korean then they were talking v loudly then order things so funny one like want to fight, they were like give me sal sushi, in those want to fight tone. oh ya we ordered watermelon all 12 servings.. then it was like e watermelon there v big slice. their 2 servings is equivalent to wl 4 servings.. ai yo..

After eating we went to walk walk. at first we tot sara was leading the way, actually she was goin off le. haha.. then she was like y ur following me. haha.. that jian guo go toilet go slower then we 5 girls. after that jian guo went shopping with us at bugis villiage. haha.. imagine a guy go shopping with 4 girls. At first i was thinking it was kinda weird. and to be frank i don't like shopping with guys, cos v uncomfortable as in when u want to try clothes or look at stuff, like v pai sai to make him wait, then honestly most guys will give e bu nai fan expression. But this jian guo ah really patient, nv c that expression from him at all. after that we went to watson to look at makeup then he oso follow us patiently, we still try e diff colours and stuff. haha.. the guys at sakae really either bastards or good sisters. but today felt v happy goin out with them.. it was much better than i expected..

Oh ya at bugis villiage we kinda lose our way. it is cos all the shops r rather similar. i saw a pair of jeans i like a lot, but cos i didn't have cash with me! feel like goin back one day.. heee... maybe can ask sl to buy for me in thai..

Recently i finish reading the da vinci code. My recommendation to all.. it is really a v gd bk. v intriguing, and teach us a lot abt the christian religion, the origins and well jus a lot of stuff. Well it made me realise my decision to remain a buddhist/taoist is right. hee... A quote from the book is history is written by winners. this line implys that history is v subjective. And well it really makes me feel that this world is truly like that v subjective, there is nv a truth. The book oso suggest that jesus has a wife, and a woman was supposed to rule the church. and that actually jesus isn't god's son he is jus a mere mortal. ppl curious abt this religion sld really read the book, really v interesting!

realise i have been dealing with religion a lot specifically christianity. cos was studying sociology. there was this protestant ethnic concept that we have to study, gosh it is really driving me crazy. it is so complicated!

Yesterday had acc paper. took with liling, since lp decided not to take e prelims at all so must have new kakee.. hee.. i sound so bad.. anyway ya la.. had acc paper with liling. then acc study a bit half way can't rmb how to do cash flow statement. so it was like i did as much as i could. then liling left half way was distracted, then since i couldn't do oso give up lor and left oso. but i did as much as i can le la. anyway after that went to eat.. then chat. haha.. e funny thing abt me and liling is that. we were nv in e same clique or anything, but we really get along v well. it is like everytime we meet we will jus talk like we known each other for million years. well we kind of gossip a lot.. haha.. liling asked me if i was envious of ppl who were in e local uni. i said ok la.. at times will la, cos they kind of live they r experiencing is diff, v full. as in they r like super busy, but at uol it is really super slack. but overall i m contented la.. i mean at least i m taking sth i like, sth that i understand.. hee.. but ppl in local uni learn a lot of things, more all rounded and their lives r more hectic.. hee.. for a more hectic life i sld jus slot in more work schedule! haha.. e grass is always greener on the other side i guess! oh liling say that she didn't make any new frens, then maybe in local uni can make more frens, then she say i seem to make a lot of new frens, then i was like u didn't make an effort to make new frens of course la.. then i told her not to always stick to ppl u know lor.. cos it is like i don't know la ppl r jus naturely more dependent so they want to stick to their frens. but making frens ok la.. frens come and go ma.. hee..

oh ya it was such a concidence, during stats paper i was sitting beside a girl from s 27, then beside her is kaiyan.. haha.. so qiao.. sim really small. haha..

oh ya today i had piano theory exam.. haha.. i get into e room with a lot of little kids.. hee.. then i v xia sui.. haha.. i had an evil tot.. cos u know didn't have time to study for piano theory exams due to the prelims so i didn't memorise those italian technical terms. so i started thinking if i really cannot make it maybe i sld copy from those pri sch students.. cos their handwriting quite big, but quite messy. haha.. but ok la i didn't copy, i tried my best.. e passing mark for piano theory is 66/100.. ai yo!!! don't know y so high!

today had this tot. u know that actually guys r more bitchy than girls. ok la.. maybe not more, but equally bitchy as girls. been observing the guys around me, then it is like guys bitch around with their buddies lor.. had this tot cos i was watching tv, this chinese music award thing, then some guy keep making comments, like wa e singer so lousy don't know y he can become singer, then when i watch drama, the guy wld say again wa this actress always cry one, y she crying again. ai yo!!! can't i watch my tv at peace!!! u know i know e diff btn guys bitchness and girls bitchness.. most guys won't be bitchy in front of girls, in another words they r rather 2faced. however, most bitchy girls get bitchy in front of guys.. haha.. hmm.. we girls r more brave than guys.. in e sense that we don't really care wat ppl think of us.. haha.. guy's r jus girl pleasers..

today's prelim was ok la. though i know i will fail at least i tried doin e paper. i think u pay so much money for this course sld at least go take e paper even if u know u will fail it. cos the soci paper is like 2 essay and one case study. At least go and try e case study and c how u fare. I must be better prepared for my exams le... really think v unprepared for e exams. though i remember a lot of facts the facts are like in a mess, needs to be organised.

Last night i had a nightmare. i dreamt someone was chasing after me. as in don't know how to say la.. like keep trying to escape but can't run away. everytime when u felt that u r safe, u c that someone behind u again. felt v scared when i wake up. hate this kind of dream where u have to escape from someone or sth.. it is like... hai..

Went to sentosa today with mh, joyce, evon, xy and sl. We went there to try e new rides. The rides were ok.. it was quite fun. The cartride up was v fun. it was quite scary cos we were rather high and yet i don't know how to describe it. it is fun in e sense that e scenary is nice and well e danger of losing ur slippers as ur legs are hanging in mid air.

The gold cart ride was ok. this joyce ah.. didn't hear e instruction of e instructor. hee.. she was asked to stop but continue to go. then she almost hit e barricade at e end. hee.. then she got scolded by e person there. ai yo.. like that play kind of dangerous. But e ride was ok. v short and slow.

After that went to beach to tan. i didn't tan la.. don't like e burning feeling after u tan so didn't tan with them then me and sl jus sit at e beach and talked. We ah.. forever talking one. played card games with them. hee.. it was quite fun. in e sense that don't know la.. anyway laughed a lot. After that we went to e food centre to eat, ate yong tou fou and ice kachang! v long nv eat these 2 items le.. v nice! really feel like eating ice kachang again! reached hm still have to continue study for tmr's prelim. hai.. v sian.

Today went to sakae to eat at wheelocks to celebrate yik's bday. Saw a lot of my ex colleague. Hee.. When we first stepped in ernast e manager said amanda can change and start work already. hee.. then when i c them clearing table really miss it lor.. Miss wiping e table and serving.. it was quite fun. Tried e bibiba set it was ok la.. not v nice. next time sld try other stuff..

hee.. we gave yik a roxy wallet and a top from zara. After eating we went shopping for xw's mom bday present. really searched high and low for it. Hee.. at least we found it at chomel. Then we oso went sasa to buy nail polish and stuff. we wanted to have dessert. But cos we went shopping we spent a lot of time. and when we want to have dessert a lot of place was full. ai yo. It was quite late and yet a lot of place was full. Enjoyed e day overall.

oh ya have been reading my recent blog entries. i realise i missed out on sth.. jus want to write here to remind me of wat happen.. hee.. remember i mention abt mh cousin who i taught 2 crash lessons for amaths and in e end from f9 jump to b4. anyway their family treat me to dinner. actually felt really pai sai to go.. cos it is like.. ai ya.. i mean actually 2 lessons oso didn't help much and in e end he fail e rest of his subjects, so kinda of like nth to celebrate lor.. but mh grandma keep asking so feel pai sai oso go. then i was telling mh later if go dinner must help me jia cai cos i will be too pai sai to take. then mh was like no problem. hee... anyway it felt v weird cos all her relatives were there.. then i was sitting at the table with her grandma, mh, lian shen(mh cousin), lian jie (lian shen elder bro same age as us) then lian shen's parents.. felt v weird! as mh is sick she can't help me jia cai.. in e end i have to jia for her instead. hee.. then sit there so uncomfortable dare not talk to anyone else except mh.. haha but can tell her family all v nice ppl. kind of remind me of my family. oh ya mh.. thanks again for e meal! actually i like really go pian fan che. hee..